I haven't posted on here in quite some time. And it's not because I have had nothing to say or share. In fact, it is just the opposite. I have had so much to say that I wasn't even able to sit down and write.
Something in me has changed in the last two months. I'm not sure exactly why or how. I mean, perhaps it has something to do with discovering that we had a hugely serious problem in our home in Québec and we haven't been able to live there in 2 months, and it's going to cost us a shit-load of money to fix, money that we don't have. Ugh.
Maybe it's because I have been been back in CT with the girls for this time, away from Mathieu and I am not entirely sure when we will be able to go back.
Maybe it was the asshole who stole a third of Mathieu's skis out of his trailer a few weeks ago.
Or maybe it was getting the call from Mathieu last sunday night after he had left CT and driven back up over the border, that he was on the side of the highway after a deer jumped out directly in front of his car at 70 miles per hour and left him pulled over at midnight waiting for someone to come tow it away. And it may be totaled.. we still don't know..
It must have been that deer.
That moment when you feel that the Universe is caving in on you.
You are drowning.
You have no idea how any of it will ever get better or make sense again.
When I picked up the phone that night as Mathieu was calling me, I was deep in sleep, but I knew something was wrong. He told me. And all I could think was, "Thank god he is ok. Thank god we are ok. Nothing else matters."
And then it just hit me. Like a ton of bricks. None of this shit matters. The house, the car, the skis. I mean, of course they are still things we will have to deal with, but at the end of the day, when all of that stuff is stripped from us, what is left?
The waters have shifted for me. I am working so hard on building the happiest life I can possibly create for myself, my husband and my two children.
I have so many projects and plans on the horizon and I can feel my focus changing. I am so so so beyond sure of what's happening in my heart right now, and I have to say it feels damn good. For it has been some since I have felt like this.
Life tests us. Constantly. But is ALWAYS in our power to either let the waters drown us, or to ride them out, belly up to the sky until it all just makes sense again.
And this little face always helps too.
For those of you who follow me on this blog, I am announcing my newly redesigned website and blog very very soon, and I will no longer be posting here. I would hate to miss you, so please sign up here for my mailing list for all of the updates and the link to my site as well as some other awesome stuff.
I believe in myself. I believe in you.
much love always.